the cosmic horn

so i have a new favourite book. seriously. i know teen girl chick lit should be below mention, but jesus these are probably the funniest books i have ever read.

it's all bridget jones diary-esque, but a million times better and funnier because it's all the madness and cruel humour of first time confusion on all the subjects dear to romcom novels. seriously. the wisdomosity of the snog-o-meter has found its way into my daily texts.

i bring this up, as i will probably drop into Georgia dialect and you, my dear readers, won't have a clue what merde i am looning on about. (see? exactamente.)

so, the important things to know:

the specific horn - when your eyes and hormones are for your one and only Sex God
the general horn - when you have various and multiple horn inducers
the cosmic horn - when anything that moves seems like fair game.

also, red-bottomosity. as in female baboons get all ruddy in the nuddy-pants department when they are ready and willing and although more metaphorical, still a dilema of highest proportions in my mad mad world.

so my point is i totally have the cosmic horn and my redbottomosity has reached mass proportions.



i went home with a guy i used to work with last night.

a guy i have always found a bit of a laugh, who's twinkly blue eyes and irish lilt i decided ought to be mine for the night. i expressed this by grabbing his lapels and pulling him to me for a massive snog at the taxi rank.

in the morning we had a bit of a chat, a cup of tea, and absolutely no funny business. i like it clear cut, though in my hang over i did wish for a bit more of a cuddle.

i am beginning to worry about my levels of redbottomosity though. i was so full of the horn i gave little care to the fact that
1 - i was on my period
2 - i hadn't shaved in a week
3 - i had already had sex with a stranger this week.
4 - we ended up out in the end just he, me, and a co-worker i had already made out with previously

as to #1, i neglected to mention it until it was quite crucial. quite rude of me actually. i sort of feel bad. so no, we didn't have sex. i guess i have to amend the snog-o-meter. I'll say it was a 9.75 - lower body fondling in bed and somebody came.

#2 is only slightly embarassing, but is eclipsed by the fact i am sure i woke the whole bloody flat without thinking.

#3 speaks for itself and

#4 i made no effort to hide my intentions for the sake of propriety. i am the office whore.

my cup of hormones overfloweth. i am steeped in horn. it's kind of fantastic.