hey there stranger.
It may not have been a conscious decision, but I stopped blogging for a while. You may have noticed.
Turns out my health/quarter-life crisis required I unplug for a while while I re-sifted my reality.
Now is not the time to give you the full blown monologue on the epiphanies, much less the hilarious stories of speculums, pregancy tests and the world of part-time, but I do want to record this milestone.
My doctors say my body is acting like it's pregnant.
My therapist says I am emerging a new person.
I say I've finally given birth to myself. A whole and complete woman, for the first time at peace and celebrating my body, my health and the planet. I feel radiant and alive in ways I never knew were possible.
It sounds hippy dippy, and it is. One of the things I found is a spirituality I didn't know I had and am still coming to terms with.
It's terrifying to admit the life I built isn't for me. It's more than a job or a house or a city, but my whole way of life. I don't do the things I love. I'm only starting to realise what they are.
The scary bit is letting go. This place isn't without beauty, this life isn't a bad one. These people deserve friendship, this job deserves love. That wasn't wrong, and I wasn't wrong to choose it.
but I built a version of my life that centered on giving all of me, and not getting enough back. and for once, I'm willing to fold.
So while I'm not about to post my manifesto (I do have one. It's still in draft. I hope it always is), here are some true things:
- I love to work with my hands.
- I love to be outside
- I love to create
- I want to connect more honestly, openly and deeply with my world.
- especially with my family, even though I am terrified they will hate this and condemn my sentimental illogical leap of faith.
I want to build a world of my choosing, and it's starting now.
