hello again world.

it's been awhile since I was cogent.

The festival is behind me, the move is in progress and life is grand in a remarkably sunny scotland.

Our new flat is beyond perfect (or will be when i hang the chandelier and sort out the slipcovers) and it's been a such a treat to take time off for the move and settle in properly. Last night I watched the sunset with a glass of wine while I listened to Liam half heartedly hum as he did the dishes. in our beautiful kitchen. There is a perfect sort of calm in this house, we both feel like we have finally come home.

Which is surreal when you think about it. Feeling more at home in this strange new little place than I ever have before. And yes, it's fucking terrifying. This is not ever a life I imagined - namely the living in sin with the british partner and having a jet setter job - it's fucking weird.

But then, having the dream of a quaint little corner of the world to call my own with someone I love has always been the goal, so I am not so far off really. Just refocused maybe. Things are never quite what I expect and yet some how they always turn out for the best. Go figure.

I guess what I mean is I have spent a great portion of my life waiting for it to start. For the dating and courtship and weddings and babies I always thought I was supposed to do because that's how it works. Mostly because I thought that was the gauntlet one went through to find the perfect life in which to forsake it all, and then settle down.

And slowly I have come to understand that the traditional path to the traditional forever isn't really for me. I hate dating, I don't like coddling, and I have never really wanted my own wedding as much as I love attending other peoples. And frankly, I don't see settling down as a change in path but just a readjustment based on new variables. (If and when sara, if and when.). It's all just so different when I think of what I want, not what I think is supposed to be happening. And it's sad that is a revelation.

Once again I have to admit to myself there are no shoulds in this life the way I thought there were. The manual I wrote for myself out of movie scripts and novels was far from accurate and I should stop behaving like a tourist in this world and just live.

Luckily my life went ahead and started without me, or perhaps (as I secretly hypothosise) I work best on autopilot. And now I have managed to get the perfect happy ending without even meaning to.

It's fucking ridiculous. And I have never been happier.