yes dear, i am fine.
just bemused and constantly surprised at my middle school mentality. he said, she said, what did that mean?
you would think, for all my modern views, my one night stands, my harmless flirtations, my masculine mannerisms and perfected girlish laugh i'd be beyond these simple urges. i know the game, i know i don't want to play by them, and i still get sucked in every round.
we have always known i have low to no self control, but i find it shocking i get thrown back into archaic expectations and down right silly conventions when i let myself actually feel something.
it's not important, i won't get into the whole sordid affair (a turn of phrase more than a literal act), either it'll sort itself out and i'll gush or it won't and i'll become flippant and move on.
suffice to say, i've found a new one to obsess over. and not in a nickname and casual flirt, but kind of actually care (and more importantly want him. for keeps maybe even.) and it fucking freaks me out (and pisses me off just a little). and i keep saying i don't. that i won't fall for this. won't be one of those girls who waits. who worries. who doubts and denies and follows.
but for all my dithering in the end i still want him to call.
well, and then throw me on the bed and fuck me senseless.
is that so much to ask?
No comments:
Post a Comment