i am running on empty.

i have done 0 hours of family reconn, small talk and general "oh yes i care about you and your boring life" for about two years (one lunch with my grandma on the last visit home barely counts since i did all the talking) for years and i didnt miss it.

and i am out.

i just want to sleep for days and be left alone.

actually, i want to lay on the couch and not have the phone ring or people come over or anyone expect me to do or be or say or go anything or anywhere.

i wish i was my brother.

i should be better than this. i hope it is just pms and i can blame my body and stop thinking i am a horrible person.