sleeping beauty

So here's the thing: I'm not me. I know that can sound bitterly cliche, but tragically it also happens to be true.

For weeks now I've felt drifty, confused and generally like I've just climbed out of the whirlygig. Or more likely, I'm just waking up - just groggily coming to consciousness and still in the liminal half dreamspace where both realities exist, but neither one is fully realised.

It's freaking me out.

Partly, life is liberating. Admitting how much I hate this has put me in touch with bigger, wilder emotions than I've felt in a long time (thankfully this includes my long lost libido).

But also, it's insanely weird to feel like the life I've been living is somehow less. Is actually a state of cryogenic deep freeze whereby my everything got lost and I'm only just remembering how this all works. like that freakish mel gibson movie.

so I don't have any answers. I certainly don't have a plan.

and while part of me a freaking out, I keep telling myself that's the type-A bit that persuaded me life in a semi-coma for the last year and I shouldn't listen to her.