turning point

life just seems better when there is sunshine.

and also, because I have instigated a selfish experiement. And no, I am not stealing candy from babies or demanding pool-side ice cream in a crystal goblet. I'm just trying harder to do things my way.

The benefits of this include:
- I am getting an assistant at the office. (Squeaky wheels and all that.)
- I am feeling better because i am eating more meat (instead of making everything vegetarian for Liam, we are finding ways for me to get my much needed iron when my blood count is haywire without making him eat it too.)
- I took a long weekend just because I needed one, not because there was a family function to attend or an event I was expeted at, and get to do things like go to the movies on a monday afternoon.
- I am wearing what I want and feeling happier because sometimes polka dot pinafore dresses need thick tights with them. Just because it's cold doesn't mean I have to dress down.
- I do my non-computer work outside in the garden. the vitamin e is helping my skin while the freckles are helping my sprits, and I'm not getting any less work done- possibly more as i find office chairs uncomfortable.
- I do the grocery shopping. Which sounds silly, but Liam's on a budget crunch, so if I want to splurge on baking 3 dozen cookies and having fresh aparagus for dinner, I can if the spending is mine and no one is put upon.
- I make sure I read for half an hour. every day. it's good for the soul.

and also, now i am being more proactive and feeling more alive, my long lost libido is back. I cannot tell you how disturbing it was to not want sex for the last month. I was starting to wonder if I had been taken over by aliens. Or if this illness was actually eating my sanity and every socio-chemical reaction my hormones obligingly provided on a continual basis for the last decade. it was fucking disturbing, but I am back in action and feeling oh so much better.

And while I may still need an ultrasound, and I may still have weirdly fluxuating body weight and mood swings, I feel more in control. I feel more like me, and that is priceless.