lost

I am angry. So angry.

For days, even weeks I haven't really registered how upset I am. Flipant, coarse, cruel even.

I tell myself I am stressed, or frustrated, or tired, or emotional, hormonal, disappointed and scared. But really, I am just completely fed up and crabby all the time.

It is truly horrible and I am sorry for anyone who has to be around me.

And I am terrified, because I don't know how to stop, and that part of me doesn't want to. I have no idea what I might destroy if I keep being this ugly version of myself- and part of me doesn't care. Like those times you eat a whole tube of pringles or don't put on sunblock just because you can't be bothered, half knowing you'll be sick and regret it all later.

Sometimes I don't know where I've gone. And the worst part is, I am not sure I want to be found.