it is an an aweful and awesome thing to realise how fragile your own mortality is.
perhaps most people survive this cliche, but to realise big bad things don't just happen to other people is fucking midbending and life changing.
it is just a little pathetic it takes such a stupid little thing like some malformed cells and busted tissue to make me wake up.
28 January 2010
26 January 2010
sleeping beauty
So here's the thing: I'm not me. I know that can sound bitterly cliche, but tragically it also happens to be true.
For weeks now I've felt drifty, confused and generally like I've just climbed out of the whirlygig. Or more likely, I'm just waking up - just groggily coming to consciousness and still in the liminal half dreamspace where both realities exist, but neither one is fully realised.
It's freaking me out.
Partly, life is liberating. Admitting how much I hate this has put me in touch with bigger, wilder emotions than I've felt in a long time (thankfully this includes my long lost libido).
But also, it's insanely weird to feel like the life I've been living is somehow less. Is actually a state of cryogenic deep freeze whereby my everything got lost and I'm only just remembering how this all works. like that freakish mel gibson movie.
so I don't have any answers. I certainly don't have a plan.
and while part of me a freaking out, I keep telling myself that's the type-A bit that persuaded me life in a semi-coma for the last year and I shouldn't listen to her.
For weeks now I've felt drifty, confused and generally like I've just climbed out of the whirlygig. Or more likely, I'm just waking up - just groggily coming to consciousness and still in the liminal half dreamspace where both realities exist, but neither one is fully realised.
It's freaking me out.
Partly, life is liberating. Admitting how much I hate this has put me in touch with bigger, wilder emotions than I've felt in a long time (thankfully this includes my long lost libido).
But also, it's insanely weird to feel like the life I've been living is somehow less. Is actually a state of cryogenic deep freeze whereby my everything got lost and I'm only just remembering how this all works. like that freakish mel gibson movie.
so I don't have any answers. I certainly don't have a plan.
and while part of me a freaking out, I keep telling myself that's the type-A bit that persuaded me life in a semi-coma for the last year and I shouldn't listen to her.
07 January 2010
remember
this is it people. the year of change.
i'm not above admitting I am terrified and lost, but I am unwilling to keep treading the same disappointment. it's amazingly liberating. and also exhausting, but that okay because...
we are leaving. it is over. the long drawn out break up between me and this life is now officially over.
and in my purge (my shiatzu lady tells me it is the re-balancing of my water element in my kidney that calls for this winter pruning), i have found something I wrote down last September.
Funny I already forgot it, but then I have forgotten a lot of things that were hard to hear in the recent past.
so here, now, is my utterly incomplete but absolutely true list of needs:
- spend time every day just listening to yourself
- do not confuse overwhelming volume of input with meaningful output. distraction isn't the same thing.
- eat only homemade baked goods and sweets. pick your poison. no preservatives or weird shit. ps, bagels are exempt. bread is too until I learn how to make it.
- get local, seasonal fruit and veg (and eat at least 3 every day).
- vary my diet and sleep patterns for different times of year.
- which means you are allowed to give into the winter need for sleep sometimes, just don't let it win.
- lay down every day
- look out the window every day
- stretch every day
- make find and invent occasions for dressing up
- solve domestic issues without just buying things
- start that quilt
- eat dinner at the table at least once a week
- do something completely on my own more often
- be outside every day. really be. even if it's cold and wet and horrible.
- tell my family how I feel. really.
- look after Liam. this is going to be harder for him than it is for you.
here endeth the lesson.
i'm not above admitting I am terrified and lost, but I am unwilling to keep treading the same disappointment. it's amazingly liberating. and also exhausting, but that okay because...
we are leaving. it is over. the long drawn out break up between me and this life is now officially over.
and in my purge (my shiatzu lady tells me it is the re-balancing of my water element in my kidney that calls for this winter pruning), i have found something I wrote down last September.
Funny I already forgot it, but then I have forgotten a lot of things that were hard to hear in the recent past.
so here, now, is my utterly incomplete but absolutely true list of needs:
- spend time every day just listening to yourself
- do not confuse overwhelming volume of input with meaningful output. distraction isn't the same thing.
- eat only homemade baked goods and sweets. pick your poison. no preservatives or weird shit. ps, bagels are exempt. bread is too until I learn how to make it.
- get local, seasonal fruit and veg (and eat at least 3 every day).
- vary my diet and sleep patterns for different times of year.
- which means you are allowed to give into the winter need for sleep sometimes, just don't let it win.
- lay down every day
- look out the window every day
- stretch every day
- make find and invent occasions for dressing up
- solve domestic issues without just buying things
- start that quilt
- eat dinner at the table at least once a week
- do something completely on my own more often
- be outside every day. really be. even if it's cold and wet and horrible.
- tell my family how I feel. really.
- look after Liam. this is going to be harder for him than it is for you.
here endeth the lesson.
18 December 2009
for the first day in a long time i am just happy. i am okay and alive and that's a good thing.
the 16 year old playing sax on a cold street corner
the too hot curry
the stupidly decadent birthday present for my brother
the smell of my scarf
the yippy colleagues
the toy seaturtle that lives on my desk
it's all good.
and these people, the amazing, ridiculous and a little bit crazy nerds make me really very happy to be alive- and I hope I someday do something that makes me feel like they do about their collider:
http://www.popsci.com/science/gallery/2009-12/gallery-years-most-amazing-scientific-images
(except of course that girl in the corner. she should be fired so gross lethargy and obivious disinterest. because you can fire someone for something like that in my world. which is why i am not empress of everything (contrary to mr gaiman's bestowing of the self same title eariler this year)
the 16 year old playing sax on a cold street corner
the too hot curry
the stupidly decadent birthday present for my brother
the smell of my scarf
the yippy colleagues
the toy seaturtle that lives on my desk
it's all good.
and these people, the amazing, ridiculous and a little bit crazy nerds make me really very happy to be alive- and I hope I someday do something that makes me feel like they do about their collider:
http://www.popsci.com/science/gallery/2009-12/gallery-years-most-amazing-scientific-images
(except of course that girl in the corner. she should be fired so gross lethargy and obivious disinterest. because you can fire someone for something like that in my world. which is why i am not empress of everything (contrary to mr gaiman's bestowing of the self same title eariler this year)
16 December 2009
tea
So I am terribly crap at this, but my year in blogs is as sporatic as my blogging this year, so I guess that's some consistency.
But, today is about best tea.
And this, my friends, has been the year of tea. Perhaps after 5 years (can you believe it's been 5 years?) in the UK the national berveage has finally permeated my bones. Don't know, but a cuppa really is one of life's little pleasures.
Anyway, tea has been the drink of choice for 2009. I only survived the winter's hostility last year through the copious and passionate nursing of peppermint tea (which helps with the plumbing as much as the grannies all say).
The stress of a cold wet spring was lessened by the discovery of camemille and vanilla tea with honey in. So deliciously simple yet decadent in it's own way. No surprises it's called 'moment of calm' on the box.
The summer discovery of citrus rooibos has been lovely. If you haven't had the south african tea in it's own right you should, but this schmancy version with a hint of lemon and orange is now the perfect companion, hot or cold, to my new life sans caffine.
But the cake-taker is out and out the opening of eteaket (see what they did there?). It's a haven of vintage cake stands and exotic aromas. The blossoming teas (and the one with bits of chocolate in) are as cool as they sound. And the cupcakes I am told are divine.
But, today is about best tea.
And this, my friends, has been the year of tea. Perhaps after 5 years (can you believe it's been 5 years?) in the UK the national berveage has finally permeated my bones. Don't know, but a cuppa really is one of life's little pleasures.
Anyway, tea has been the drink of choice for 2009. I only survived the winter's hostility last year through the copious and passionate nursing of peppermint tea (which helps with the plumbing as much as the grannies all say).
The stress of a cold wet spring was lessened by the discovery of camemille and vanilla tea with honey in. So deliciously simple yet decadent in it's own way. No surprises it's called 'moment of calm' on the box.
The summer discovery of citrus rooibos has been lovely. If you haven't had the south african tea in it's own right you should, but this schmancy version with a hint of lemon and orange is now the perfect companion, hot or cold, to my new life sans caffine.
But the cake-taker is out and out the opening of eteaket (see what they did there?). It's a haven of vintage cake stands and exotic aromas. The blossoming teas (and the one with bits of chocolate in) are as cool as they sound. And the cupcakes I am told are divine.
05 December 2009
In the Best of Blog 2009, I am meant to reflect on the book that mattered most.
I have read something like 300 books this year.
It's been a good year for reading, especially because I read more than one grown up book. Some even by dead people, which is unheard of in my line of work.
But for the best, I'm at a loss. some brilliant picture books (Ernest is particularly adorable), I thoroughly enjoyed Cranford and the second Patrick Ness was compelling.
The only book that still haunts me is Tender Morsels. It's fucking brilliant and absolutely affecting. It is adolescence, womanhood and poetry at their most raw and brutal. Not for many, and you have to stomach the first 100 pages, but it is insanely beautiful. but I hesitate to recommend it, it just might kill you.
I have read something like 300 books this year.
It's been a good year for reading, especially because I read more than one grown up book. Some even by dead people, which is unheard of in my line of work.
But for the best, I'm at a loss. some brilliant picture books (Ernest is particularly adorable), I thoroughly enjoyed Cranford and the second Patrick Ness was compelling.
The only book that still haunts me is Tender Morsels. It's fucking brilliant and absolutely affecting. It is adolescence, womanhood and poetry at their most raw and brutal. Not for many, and you have to stomach the first 100 pages, but it is insanely beautiful. but I hesitate to recommend it, it just might kill you.
02 December 2009
Best of the 2009 Blog Challenge
So I have been pretty shit lately. Not really doing anything, including blogging - and what better way to get myself out of this funk than a retrospective look at the noughties and a blog campaign ?
In the meantime, today's theme : My best restaurant moment.
My mind's child is begging me to write this like a third grade book report. I'll resist the urge as much as possible, but I am only human. Ignore the conspicuous, vaguely inappropriate use of big words.
My best restaurant moment of 09 has to be in Pitigliano. Not because i can casually brag about our glorious trip to Italy in July (fun as it would be), but because despite the seeming idyllic setting, I can still muck things up royally. What can I say, it's a gift. My only solace is the hope I can get a staggering billion figure book deal out of the memoirs after, as millions of people will obviouslywant to laugh (with me) at my shame.
Anyway, after a week of blissful fun and mad sex, we decided to eat out in a proper nice restaurant - and do it italian style, with all 4 courses and everything. we booked a table (the town was small enough there weren't enough restaurants around to guarantee space anywhere). I even wore my beach cover up like it was a real dress and put on make up. And while my thick sticky hair still smelt of salt water, I like to think it was still shiny in the candle light.
But then, I also liked to think my italian was good enough to get us through (Liam spoke not a word and of this town's 300 residents, we never found anyone who spoke a jot of english. Charming, but hella hard work on my one mediocre term of italian in college. Good thing we only ever needed food, directions and a bathroom. Lord knows what would have happened if we needing to express feelings or something.
Anyway, I tried to translate the menu for my man and when stuggling with scallopes I took a stab in the dark for scallops, seafood at the outside. I was sure it would be fine. probably.
Until of course it came. A escallope of pork in gravy. A big wadge of pig meat plonked in front of my vegetarian boyfriend. on our big romantic date in rural italy - our perfect, someday we'll tell our kids about it moment, and I manage to practically poison the poor thing.
Good sport that he is, he ate it (and liked it - the half he could manage. I think he was untrained in the will power it takes to prevail over pork's soporific tendencies). Probably a good thing too, because I wouldn't have had a fucking clue about saying 'he can't eat this, take it back and bring me something made of tofu' in italian.
but still. the wine was brilliant, the nettle ravioli was awesomely weird, and nothing beats a damn sexy gentleman slurping for his life in a tuscan sunset.
In the meantime, today's theme : My best restaurant moment.
My mind's child is begging me to write this like a third grade book report. I'll resist the urge as much as possible, but I am only human. Ignore the conspicuous, vaguely inappropriate use of big words.
My best restaurant moment of 09 has to be in Pitigliano. Not because i can casually brag about our glorious trip to Italy in July (fun as it would be), but because despite the seeming idyllic setting, I can still muck things up royally. What can I say, it's a gift. My only solace is the hope I can get a staggering billion figure book deal out of the memoirs after, as millions of people will obviouslywant to laugh (with me) at my shame.
Anyway, after a week of blissful fun and mad sex, we decided to eat out in a proper nice restaurant - and do it italian style, with all 4 courses and everything. we booked a table (the town was small enough there weren't enough restaurants around to guarantee space anywhere). I even wore my beach cover up like it was a real dress and put on make up. And while my thick sticky hair still smelt of salt water, I like to think it was still shiny in the candle light.
But then, I also liked to think my italian was good enough to get us through (Liam spoke not a word and of this town's 300 residents, we never found anyone who spoke a jot of english. Charming, but hella hard work on my one mediocre term of italian in college. Good thing we only ever needed food, directions and a bathroom. Lord knows what would have happened if we needing to express feelings or something.
Anyway, I tried to translate the menu for my man and when stuggling with scallopes I took a stab in the dark for scallops, seafood at the outside. I was sure it would be fine. probably.
Until of course it came. A escallope of pork in gravy. A big wadge of pig meat plonked in front of my vegetarian boyfriend. on our big romantic date in rural italy - our perfect, someday we'll tell our kids about it moment, and I manage to practically poison the poor thing.
Good sport that he is, he ate it (and liked it - the half he could manage. I think he was untrained in the will power it takes to prevail over pork's soporific tendencies). Probably a good thing too, because I wouldn't have had a fucking clue about saying 'he can't eat this, take it back and bring me something made of tofu' in italian.
but still. the wine was brilliant, the nettle ravioli was awesomely weird, and nothing beats a damn sexy gentleman slurping for his life in a tuscan sunset.
loss
i just heard a kid I went to high school died this fall. i say kid. he was in my class. he was a man now. a dentist actually. and by the sound of it, a good upstanding one.
not that I knew him, other than a friend of a friend. the sort of gregarious sportsman and upstart that intimidated me then and reminds me of my brother now. but still. it's sad, even from a distance. he always seemed like a nice guy.
i don't know what to say, but it makes me sad.
sometimes i think deaths accumulate. that sorrow collects in little crevasses in my soul. like i never stop grieving someone, it just fades away until someone else joins the ranks and all the previous sorrows well up and compound. like hard bits of scar tissue that grow over each other until I'll just be one callous lump of all the loss and regret.
it probably won't happen. but it might.
but this isn't about me. it's about joe. and i am sorry for him and his family. I hope the world of lives he touched were better for it and that he is remembered and loved. because sometimes that's all you can hope for.
not that I knew him, other than a friend of a friend. the sort of gregarious sportsman and upstart that intimidated me then and reminds me of my brother now. but still. it's sad, even from a distance. he always seemed like a nice guy.
i don't know what to say, but it makes me sad.
sometimes i think deaths accumulate. that sorrow collects in little crevasses in my soul. like i never stop grieving someone, it just fades away until someone else joins the ranks and all the previous sorrows well up and compound. like hard bits of scar tissue that grow over each other until I'll just be one callous lump of all the loss and regret.
it probably won't happen. but it might.
but this isn't about me. it's about joe. and i am sorry for him and his family. I hope the world of lives he touched were better for it and that he is remembered and loved. because sometimes that's all you can hope for.
07 November 2009
a tempered passion
while I have of late been dwelling on the things I hate about the UK, there are several things I truly adore. It makes me sad to know someday, and someday soon, I'll leave these barren gray shores and never see their like again.
Here, in no particular order are some of my recent love affairs:
sanctioned paganism
The Celtic force is still strong in this one, and the biennial rituals which take over vast swathes of the city prove it (even if the tacky tourist jewelery needs to be endured). Halloween is Sammahien, an epic battle between the winter king and the summer king (or Green King as you may have seen him in impish incarnations).
In the high street square this is reenacted with college hos body painted red and dancing, hippies juggling and oh yes, a battle with giant flaming swords. I kid you not. It completely rocks in its surreal absurdity, high school musical-esque production values and all around kick ass nature. It not as good as the summer's Beltane orgy which puts even Mists of Avalon to shame, but it's still one hell of a way to ring in All Saints Day (which by the way is the whole point of Halloween).
incessant drinking
while a plus and a minus (mostly a minus considering the amount of vomit in the street on a sunday morning), there is nothing like midafternoon pints (on a working day even!) to clear the air and remind you that there is more to life than to do lists. plus, a good local lager is unbeatably tasty.
weird tv
not a fan of strictly, dancing on ice or the on going battle between Kylie's d-list sister and Simon on XFactor, I am pleasantly surprised to find Canadian sitcoms in syndication on 4od. Who knew Canada made tv? Who knew my hormonal self would like it's transparent, feel good simplicity?
food
We all know I'm a little bit obsessed with food. And as the winter chill settles in, a country which thinks anything stewed for long enough, mixed with mashed potatoes and/or covered in gravy constituted a meal is a place I could get used to.
Stovies for lunch today meant a big mug (like as big as my head) which had roasted carrots and veg plus haggis (which is like oats and nuts and herbs and stuff, kind of like crumbly spicy sausage but better) plus mashed potatoes mixed together then baked until piping hot.
I probably should mention experimental film, the mod movement returning to London, my current favourite bands and whatever - but really, food, drink, entertainment and carpe diems sum it up just fine.
i love it here. and if the weather, government, insurance, medical care, urban development,racism and social regeneration parts didn't suck I'd even think about staying.
Here, in no particular order are some of my recent love affairs:
sanctioned paganism
The Celtic force is still strong in this one, and the biennial rituals which take over vast swathes of the city prove it (even if the tacky tourist jewelery needs to be endured). Halloween is Sammahien, an epic battle between the winter king and the summer king (or Green King as you may have seen him in impish incarnations).
In the high street square this is reenacted with college hos body painted red and dancing, hippies juggling and oh yes, a battle with giant flaming swords. I kid you not. It completely rocks in its surreal absurdity, high school musical-esque production values and all around kick ass nature. It not as good as the summer's Beltane orgy which puts even Mists of Avalon to shame, but it's still one hell of a way to ring in All Saints Day (which by the way is the whole point of Halloween).
incessant drinking
while a plus and a minus (mostly a minus considering the amount of vomit in the street on a sunday morning), there is nothing like midafternoon pints (on a working day even!) to clear the air and remind you that there is more to life than to do lists. plus, a good local lager is unbeatably tasty.
weird tv
not a fan of strictly, dancing on ice or the on going battle between Kylie's d-list sister and Simon on XFactor, I am pleasantly surprised to find Canadian sitcoms in syndication on 4od. Who knew Canada made tv? Who knew my hormonal self would like it's transparent, feel good simplicity?
food
We all know I'm a little bit obsessed with food. And as the winter chill settles in, a country which thinks anything stewed for long enough, mixed with mashed potatoes and/or covered in gravy constituted a meal is a place I could get used to.
Stovies for lunch today meant a big mug (like as big as my head) which had roasted carrots and veg plus haggis (which is like oats and nuts and herbs and stuff, kind of like crumbly spicy sausage but better) plus mashed potatoes mixed together then baked until piping hot.
I probably should mention experimental film, the mod movement returning to London, my current favourite bands and whatever - but really, food, drink, entertainment and carpe diems sum it up just fine.
i love it here. and if the weather, government, insurance, medical care, urban development,racism and social regeneration parts didn't suck I'd even think about staying.
21 October 2009
before
in one of those unexpected bouts of nostalgia (I am secretly suspicious these exponentially increase with age and slowly morph into delirium undetected), I decided to read my posts for every October to date. Who was I a year ago? two? three? four?
Suffice to say I was reminded of things I was happy to discover, and some I'd rather forget.
I was mostly shocked at how I have been saying the same things for years. I am more predictable than I thought.
But the kicker is how much more interesting I was before. I don't just mean the wild nights and ridiculous episodes of clumsiness and decrepitude - but just more interesting. I was even funny. Albeit trite and sarcastic, but somewhere along the way I've lost my vocabulary for this kind of thing. It's a bit tragic.
Suffice to say I was reminded of things I was happy to discover, and some I'd rather forget.
I was mostly shocked at how I have been saying the same things for years. I am more predictable than I thought.
But the kicker is how much more interesting I was before. I don't just mean the wild nights and ridiculous episodes of clumsiness and decrepitude - but just more interesting. I was even funny. Albeit trite and sarcastic, but somewhere along the way I've lost my vocabulary for this kind of thing. It's a bit tragic.
20 October 2009
disillusioned
This used to be so glamorous.
The jetsetting world, the flat in London, the first class train rides, the parties, the booze, the networking and endless bouts of meetings (which were really just professional seduction with pastries).
I am not ashamed to admit I love being wanted. Being spoiled, catered for, listened to and entertained.
And I used to love that my job puts me in a position lots of other people want to make me feel this way. (on top of the whole valuable, inspiring, life affirming things it's really about).
But this time around it's just not enough.
4 days in London is a slog - especially when it's only the first of three trips like this before a month has passed.
Before, I'd book back to back meetings, shopping/posh gallery over lunch and spend every evening out. Usually my four evenings in the big city were taken up with the following:
see a show
go to a party
go to a lecture/talk/event
work more
cavort with old friends and gossip.
This trip I have/will:
go to bed early after a failed dinner attempt
watch the bridges of madison county on tv (it's terrible, but I still cried)
work.
I am desperate for my own bed and a good long spoon.
Half of me hopes I wake from this unforseen funk and the other half is completely ready to walk away from the whole thing. and there is some secret part of me that is wondering if perhaps this is what grownups meant by 'settling down'.
The jetsetting world, the flat in London, the first class train rides, the parties, the booze, the networking and endless bouts of meetings (which were really just professional seduction with pastries).
I am not ashamed to admit I love being wanted. Being spoiled, catered for, listened to and entertained.
And I used to love that my job puts me in a position lots of other people want to make me feel this way. (on top of the whole valuable, inspiring, life affirming things it's really about).
But this time around it's just not enough.
4 days in London is a slog - especially when it's only the first of three trips like this before a month has passed.
Before, I'd book back to back meetings, shopping/posh gallery over lunch and spend every evening out. Usually my four evenings in the big city were taken up with the following:
see a show
go to a party
go to a lecture/talk/event
work more
cavort with old friends and gossip.
This trip I have/will:
go to bed early after a failed dinner attempt
watch the bridges of madison county on tv (it's terrible, but I still cried)
work.
I am desperate for my own bed and a good long spoon.
Half of me hopes I wake from this unforseen funk and the other half is completely ready to walk away from the whole thing. and there is some secret part of me that is wondering if perhaps this is what grownups meant by 'settling down'.
10 October 2009
The golden rule being: avoid pseudo meat.
It may have taken me a while to get used to vegetarian cooking, but with my man only just dabbling in poultry for the first time in over a decade, I figured I better suck it up and find something to live off of. Let's face it, I will love him even if he never eats a steak in his life, so I better find something nice we can both have on special occasions.
And after a few years, I can honestly say the non-meat dinners are not lacking in anything. In fact, they are some of my favourite foods. I would give you a catalogue of all my recent cooking triumphs, but that's just gloating, so I'll limit it to last night's inspired menu:
Falafel Burgers
Potato Wedges
Lentil side
Now, this may sound like health-nut tofu and seeds world, but rest assured, it is the perfect lazy, greasy, salty Friday-night-with-beer dinner ever.
1, make homemade potato wedges so you can put as much salt and cajun spice on them as you like. I put on loads, then dip them in honey instead of ketchup to balance it out. Or on lazier days, buy the frozen ones ready made.
2, Lentils are brilliant. This dish is:
A cup or two of rinsed green lentils
A tin of chopped tomatoes
A large helping of garlic, oregano and italian herbs
Cover with water, simmer for half an hour or so - until the lentils are soft and delicious. It's sort of similar to how grannies have baked beans at bbqs, except these taste brilliant and are less slimy.
3, Falafel Burgers:
Falafel (I can almost never be bothered to make these from scratch, but it doesn't matter) grilled up then smashed into miniburgers (rather than the hush puppy balls they usually come in)
Halloumi (the only cheese you can bbq), god love Cyprus. It's salty and known around our house as 'the squeaky cheese'. pan fry in strips for maximum crispy outside, gooey inside.
top these with homous & pesto inside hard core seed roles (the best have multi-seed mix baked in, not just on top)
It is truly a feast, and goes brilliantly with my new favourite beer : Innis & Gunn. A cinnamony local brew. Yum. If beer were a dessert, this would be it.
Next time on Cooking for A Veggie and Loving It: Chick Pea & Almond Tagine!
And after a few years, I can honestly say the non-meat dinners are not lacking in anything. In fact, they are some of my favourite foods. I would give you a catalogue of all my recent cooking triumphs, but that's just gloating, so I'll limit it to last night's inspired menu:
Falafel Burgers
Potato Wedges
Lentil side
Now, this may sound like health-nut tofu and seeds world, but rest assured, it is the perfect lazy, greasy, salty Friday-night-with-beer dinner ever.
1, make homemade potato wedges so you can put as much salt and cajun spice on them as you like. I put on loads, then dip them in honey instead of ketchup to balance it out. Or on lazier days, buy the frozen ones ready made.
2, Lentils are brilliant. This dish is:
A cup or two of rinsed green lentils
A tin of chopped tomatoes
A large helping of garlic, oregano and italian herbs
Cover with water, simmer for half an hour or so - until the lentils are soft and delicious. It's sort of similar to how grannies have baked beans at bbqs, except these taste brilliant and are less slimy.
3, Falafel Burgers:
Falafel (I can almost never be bothered to make these from scratch, but it doesn't matter) grilled up then smashed into miniburgers (rather than the hush puppy balls they usually come in)
Halloumi (the only cheese you can bbq), god love Cyprus. It's salty and known around our house as 'the squeaky cheese'. pan fry in strips for maximum crispy outside, gooey inside.
top these with homous & pesto inside hard core seed roles (the best have multi-seed mix baked in, not just on top)
It is truly a feast, and goes brilliantly with my new favourite beer : Innis & Gunn. A cinnamony local brew. Yum. If beer were a dessert, this would be it.
Next time on Cooking for A Veggie and Loving It: Chick Pea & Almond Tagine!
09 October 2009
22 September 2009
Let's start with the fact I am on holiday.
A whole blissful week for relaxing, vegging, and putting my life back in order.
Oh wait, except everything and it's minutiae is suddenly hugely urgent, I can't stop thinking about work and Liam and I are in a fight. Add to this the ridiculous complications of getting a house for my family's christmas visit, the stress ball of stomach acid rising as everyday of this week gets taken up with stupid chores (leave it to me to be stressed about not having enough time to relax) and my now chronic back pain.
Oh yeah, and it's our anniversary.
Yay.
A whole blissful week for relaxing, vegging, and putting my life back in order.
Oh wait, except everything and it's minutiae is suddenly hugely urgent, I can't stop thinking about work and Liam and I are in a fight. Add to this the ridiculous complications of getting a house for my family's christmas visit, the stress ball of stomach acid rising as everyday of this week gets taken up with stupid chores (leave it to me to be stressed about not having enough time to relax) and my now chronic back pain.
Oh yeah, and it's our anniversary.
Yay.
16 September 2009
afters
I visited my own blog today and was shocked to see how long it's been.
I suppose because life is big and busy and I am still a bit broken from it all.
In sum, my parents came during the busiest, most stressful period of my year. It was really nice to see them but also highly charged and I was more than highly strung. But they looked after me and were nice to my boy (and even took his visiting siblings out to dinner! may the family mingling begin!).
but it was also a bit sad and weird because i feel like a hardly saw them and selfishly i wish they'd come back now i have some time to play.
plus, let's not forget the 200,000 people, 8 venues, 300 authors, 1 peter rabbit and 145 glue sticks I had to look after over those 17 days.
It was big. bigger even than usual. and almost all of my new, exciting, heart breaking loveliness panned out. it rocked.
and then i spent 2 weeks trying to reclaim my life. Mostly reconnecting with my saintly, adoring, tolerant bean. It's weird how easy it is to get into a pattern of coexisting when there is so much pulling you in every direction. It takes a lot of effort to stop the world, but we found each other again - and if I'm honest, we're getting better at it every time. god love him. it's been so nice to feel connected every minute of every day. it's like all my pieces got put back together. it's grounding and liberating and brilliantly perfect.
plus also that meant daytrips to castles, a midnight bbq for two under the stars and all manner of other things I wish we'd been doing all summer but are making up for lost time with.
now, after the day of closure (our final book end staff debrief), I just have one niggling bee in my bonnet.
a night out that is all about letting my hair down went a bit awry.
mostly it was just drinking 5 pints with no dinner which means i am still hungover and it's almost dinner time (the hangovers are getting exponentially worse with age). it positively blows and is so ridiculous.
but there is a little piece of me that crossed a line. an arbitrary, internal sort of line like knowing you took more than your fair share of the m&ms.
while there is nothing actually wrong with enjoying a night out with friends, somewhere an internal alarm clock is dissatisfied. some little piece of me is frowning in disapproval. i am such an old fashioned prude.
Not that anything happened. Not that anything would. Not in a million years would I ever be anything other than honest. and my committment doesn't come by halves.
but the giddy happy 'you are all so wonderful' gushing of happy endings mixed with relief just went a hair too far. in hindsight and the clear (if nauseous) light of day the boozy camaraderie felt a bit flirty. and i am not comfortable with flirting. whether a lovely young boy means it or not, whether it's playful friendly banter of colleagues at the pub, I don't want to even engage with that sort of chat. It just doesn't feel right, and I am not that sort of gal. and I know I am making mountains out of molehills, but I guess this is one molehill I have a lot of stake in. and for the first time, I feel simultaneously ashamed and proud.
i maybe didn't handle it the way I wish I had, but at the same time there is something so reassuring about knowing my lines, knowing my rules and being full of conviction. i am so rarely sure about anything, but if I ever was it's now.
so there you go. possibly the worst love letter sentiment of all time, but it feels like I passed some test I didn't know about. I choose him. Over everyone, anyone, any minute, everyday. And no one, not even cute guys who would have turned my head in days gone by, are more important, meaningful and downright perfect than that.
it's one hell of a thing to be so smitten.
I suppose because life is big and busy and I am still a bit broken from it all.
In sum, my parents came during the busiest, most stressful period of my year. It was really nice to see them but also highly charged and I was more than highly strung. But they looked after me and were nice to my boy (and even took his visiting siblings out to dinner! may the family mingling begin!).
but it was also a bit sad and weird because i feel like a hardly saw them and selfishly i wish they'd come back now i have some time to play.
plus, let's not forget the 200,000 people, 8 venues, 300 authors, 1 peter rabbit and 145 glue sticks I had to look after over those 17 days.
It was big. bigger even than usual. and almost all of my new, exciting, heart breaking loveliness panned out. it rocked.
and then i spent 2 weeks trying to reclaim my life. Mostly reconnecting with my saintly, adoring, tolerant bean. It's weird how easy it is to get into a pattern of coexisting when there is so much pulling you in every direction. It takes a lot of effort to stop the world, but we found each other again - and if I'm honest, we're getting better at it every time. god love him. it's been so nice to feel connected every minute of every day. it's like all my pieces got put back together. it's grounding and liberating and brilliantly perfect.
plus also that meant daytrips to castles, a midnight bbq for two under the stars and all manner of other things I wish we'd been doing all summer but are making up for lost time with.
now, after the day of closure (our final book end staff debrief), I just have one niggling bee in my bonnet.
a night out that is all about letting my hair down went a bit awry.
mostly it was just drinking 5 pints with no dinner which means i am still hungover and it's almost dinner time (the hangovers are getting exponentially worse with age). it positively blows and is so ridiculous.
but there is a little piece of me that crossed a line. an arbitrary, internal sort of line like knowing you took more than your fair share of the m&ms.
while there is nothing actually wrong with enjoying a night out with friends, somewhere an internal alarm clock is dissatisfied. some little piece of me is frowning in disapproval. i am such an old fashioned prude.
Not that anything happened. Not that anything would. Not in a million years would I ever be anything other than honest. and my committment doesn't come by halves.
but the giddy happy 'you are all so wonderful' gushing of happy endings mixed with relief just went a hair too far. in hindsight and the clear (if nauseous) light of day the boozy camaraderie felt a bit flirty. and i am not comfortable with flirting. whether a lovely young boy means it or not, whether it's playful friendly banter of colleagues at the pub, I don't want to even engage with that sort of chat. It just doesn't feel right, and I am not that sort of gal. and I know I am making mountains out of molehills, but I guess this is one molehill I have a lot of stake in. and for the first time, I feel simultaneously ashamed and proud.
i maybe didn't handle it the way I wish I had, but at the same time there is something so reassuring about knowing my lines, knowing my rules and being full of conviction. i am so rarely sure about anything, but if I ever was it's now.
so there you go. possibly the worst love letter sentiment of all time, but it feels like I passed some test I didn't know about. I choose him. Over everyone, anyone, any minute, everyday. And no one, not even cute guys who would have turned my head in days gone by, are more important, meaningful and downright perfect than that.
it's one hell of a thing to be so smitten.
03 August 2009
Films of 2009: The Bumper Edition.
Thus continues my filmic saga of 09. I've included the first half of the year below, just to make it a complete list. In sum: I watch a lot of crap. It's surprising how little that bothers me.
(ps, * means I'd seen it before.)
August:
53. Gladiator*
54. Whale Rider*
September
55. Mean Girls*
56. National Treasure*
57. Ghost in the Shell
58. Romancing the Stone*
59. Bright Young Things*
60. Anastasia (1997)*
October
61. The Bridges of Madison County
62. Picture Perfect*
63. The Scarlet Pimpernel* (1999)
64. Lady of Burlesque (1943)
65. Murder She Wrote, South by Southwest (feature length special! 1997)
66. XMen :The Last Stand*
67. The Nightmare Before Christmas*
November
68. Priceless
69. Shakespeare in Love *
70. Death on the Nile
71. While You Were Sleeping*
December
72. Muppet Christmas Carol*
73. Hound of the Baskervilles (1997)
74. Sherlock Holmes (2009)
75. Fellowship of the Ring*
Two Towers*
Return of the King* (all of these were partial, but together I think they still count as at least one as it was like 5 something hours of viewing)
76. 101 Dalmetians* (1996)
77. Journey to the Centre of the Earth (1999)
78. Bandits*
79. The Holiday
80. Enemy at the Gate
TV:
The Wire Series 2, 30 Rock Series 2, Peep Show Series 1 & 2, Jeeves & Wooster Series 1, Being Erica, Samantha Who Series 2, The Scarlet Pimpernel, more Poirot than is good for me.
January
1. Jurassic Park*
2. The Philadelphia Story*
3. Enchanted*
4. My Fair Lady*
5. As You Like It (Branagh, 2007)
6. Chocolat*
7. Walk the Line*
8. Sense & Sensibility* (Lee, 1994)
February
(my only excuse for this length is two intercontinental flights this month)
9. Persuasion*
10. Monthy Python's The Meaning of Life*
11. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
12. Rachel's Getting Married
13. First Daughter
14. Cheers for Miss Bishop (1941)
15. Spectacular!
16, Arthur and the Invisibles
17. The International
18. Wanted
19. Coraline 3D
20. Battlefield Earth* (I am ashamed of this. Mostly because it's not the first time. It's my mother's fault.)
21. How to Lose Friends and Alienate People
March:
22. Stardust
23. Singing In the Rain*
24. Addams Family*
25. Watchmen
26. Starship Troopers*
April:
27. The Devil Wears Prada
28. Shoot 'Em Up
29. Juno*
30. Little Women (Armstrong, 1994)*
31. Ice Princess
32. Ghost in the Shell
33. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind*
May:
34.The Muppet Movie*
35. Son of Rambow
36. Clueless*
37. Star Trek (Abrahms, 2009)
38. Master and Commander: Far Side of the World*
June:
39. Dan in Real Life
40. Muppets Take Manhattan*
41. That Thing You Do*
42. Transformers
43. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade*
44. Blues Brothers
45. Anchorman*
July:
46. 40 Year Old Virgin
47. Practical Magic
48. Strictly Ballroom
49. Wedding Crashers
50. The Family Stone (ugh)
51. Ever After *
52. Romeo + Juliet (Luhrmann, 1997)*
I can't believe I've only been the cinema 7 times. Jesus.
Also, TV on DVD/OD (which sort of counts) :
Battlestar Galactica Season 2-3,
The Wire Series 2 (in progress),
Californicaton 1 (in progress),
Nature's Great Events,
Samantha Who? series 2,
30 Rock Series 1 & 2,
Flight of the Conchords Season 1,
That Mitchell & Webb Look series 3,
No wonder I never have any time. That's about 184 hours of sitting in front of the tube, not including watching regular tv. Lordy.
(ps, * means I'd seen it before.)
August:
53. Gladiator*
54. Whale Rider*
September
55. Mean Girls*
56. National Treasure*
57. Ghost in the Shell
58. Romancing the Stone*
59. Bright Young Things*
60. Anastasia (1997)*
October
61. The Bridges of Madison County
62. Picture Perfect*
63. The Scarlet Pimpernel* (1999)
64. Lady of Burlesque (1943)
65. Murder She Wrote, South by Southwest (feature length special! 1997)
66. XMen :The Last Stand*
67. The Nightmare Before Christmas*
November
68. Priceless
69. Shakespeare in Love *
70. Death on the Nile
71. While You Were Sleeping*
December
72. Muppet Christmas Carol*
73. Hound of the Baskervilles (1997)
74. Sherlock Holmes (2009)
75. Fellowship of the Ring*
Two Towers*
Return of the King* (all of these were partial, but together I think they still count as at least one as it was like 5 something hours of viewing)
76. 101 Dalmetians* (1996)
77. Journey to the Centre of the Earth (1999)
78. Bandits*
79. The Holiday
80. Enemy at the Gate
TV:
The Wire Series 2, 30 Rock Series 2, Peep Show Series 1 & 2, Jeeves & Wooster Series 1, Being Erica, Samantha Who Series 2, The Scarlet Pimpernel, more Poirot than is good for me.
January
1. Jurassic Park*
2. The Philadelphia Story*
3. Enchanted*
4. My Fair Lady*
5. As You Like It (Branagh, 2007)
6. Chocolat*
7. Walk the Line*
8. Sense & Sensibility* (Lee, 1994)
February
(my only excuse for this length is two intercontinental flights this month)
9. Persuasion*
10. Monthy Python's The Meaning of Life*
11. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
12. Rachel's Getting Married
13. First Daughter
14. Cheers for Miss Bishop (1941)
15. Spectacular!
16, Arthur and the Invisibles
17. The International
18. Wanted
19. Coraline 3D
20. Battlefield Earth* (I am ashamed of this. Mostly because it's not the first time. It's my mother's fault.)
21. How to Lose Friends and Alienate People
March:
22. Stardust
23. Singing In the Rain*
24. Addams Family*
25. Watchmen
26. Starship Troopers*
April:
27. The Devil Wears Prada
28. Shoot 'Em Up
29. Juno*
30. Little Women (Armstrong, 1994)*
31. Ice Princess
32. Ghost in the Shell
33. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind*
May:
34.The Muppet Movie*
35. Son of Rambow
36. Clueless*
37. Star Trek (Abrahms, 2009)
38. Master and Commander: Far Side of the World*
June:
39. Dan in Real Life
40. Muppets Take Manhattan*
41. That Thing You Do*
42. Transformers
43. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade*
44. Blues Brothers
45. Anchorman*
July:
46. 40 Year Old Virgin
47. Practical Magic
48. Strictly Ballroom
49. Wedding Crashers
50. The Family Stone (ugh)
51. Ever After *
52. Romeo + Juliet (Luhrmann, 1997)*
I can't believe I've only been the cinema 7 times. Jesus.
Also, TV on DVD/OD (which sort of counts) :
Battlestar Galactica Season 2-3,
The Wire Series 2 (in progress),
Californicaton 1 (in progress),
Nature's Great Events,
Samantha Who? series 2,
30 Rock Series 1 & 2,
Flight of the Conchords Season 1,
That Mitchell & Webb Look series 3,
No wonder I never have any time. That's about 184 hours of sitting in front of the tube, not including watching regular tv. Lordy.
26 July 2009
Films of 2009 (so far)
Here below is my attempt at a film diary. Since the year is half over, I'd better update now.
I won't bore you with snarky synopses, but * means I'd seen it before - most of the time I am ashamed of this fact.
January
1. Jurassic Park*
2. The Philadelphia Story*
3. Enchanted*
4. My Fair Lady*
5. As You Like It (Branagh, 2007)
6. Chocolat*
7. Walk the Line*
8. Sense & Sensibility* (Lee, 1994)
February
(my only excuse for this length is two intercontinental flights to fill this month)
9. Persuasion*
10. Monthy Python's The Meaning of Life*
11. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
12. Rachel's Getting Married
13. First Daughter
14. Cheers for Miss Bishop (1941)
15. Spectacular!
16, Arthur and the Invisibles
17. The International
18. Wanted
19. Coraline 3D
20. Battlefield Earth* (I am ashamed of this. Mostly because it's not the first time. It's my mother's fault.)
21. How to Lose Friends and Alienate People
March:
22. Stardust
23. Singing In the Rain*
24. Addams Family*
25. Watchmen
26. Starship Troopers*
April:
27. The Devil Wears Prada
28. Shoot 'Em Up
29. Juno*
30. Little Women (Armstrong, 1994)*
31. Ice Princess
32. Ghost in the Shell
33. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind*
May:
34.The Muppet Movie*
35. Son of Rambow
36. Clueless*
37. Star Trek (Abrahms, 2009)
38. Master and Commander: Far Side of the World*
June:
39. Dan in Real Life
40. Muppets Take Manhattan*
41. That Thing You Do*
42. Transformers
43. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade*
44. Blues Brothers
45. Anchorman*
July:
46. 40 Year Old Virgin
47. Practical Magic
48. Strictly Ballroom
49. Wedding Crashers
50. The Family Stone (ugh)
51. Ever After *
52. Romeo + Juliet (Luhrmann, 1997)*
I can't believe I've only been the cinema 7 times. Jesus.
Also, TV on DVD/OD (which sort of counts) :
Battlestar Galactica Season 2-3,
The Wire Series 2 (in progress),
Californicaton 1 (in progress),
Nature's Great Events,
Samantha Who? series 2,
30 Rock Series 1 & 2,
Flight of the Conchords Season 1,
That Mitchell & Webb Look series 3,
No wonder I never have any time. That's about 184 hours of sitting in front of the tube, not including watching regular tv. Lordy.
I won't bore you with snarky synopses, but * means I'd seen it before - most of the time I am ashamed of this fact.
January
1. Jurassic Park*
2. The Philadelphia Story*
3. Enchanted*
4. My Fair Lady*
5. As You Like It (Branagh, 2007)
6. Chocolat*
7. Walk the Line*
8. Sense & Sensibility* (Lee, 1994)
February
(my only excuse for this length is two intercontinental flights to fill this month)
9. Persuasion*
10. Monthy Python's The Meaning of Life*
11. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
12. Rachel's Getting Married
13. First Daughter
14. Cheers for Miss Bishop (1941)
15. Spectacular!
16, Arthur and the Invisibles
17. The International
18. Wanted
19. Coraline 3D
20. Battlefield Earth* (I am ashamed of this. Mostly because it's not the first time. It's my mother's fault.)
21. How to Lose Friends and Alienate People
March:
22. Stardust
23. Singing In the Rain*
24. Addams Family*
25. Watchmen
26. Starship Troopers*
April:
27. The Devil Wears Prada
28. Shoot 'Em Up
29. Juno*
30. Little Women (Armstrong, 1994)*
31. Ice Princess
32. Ghost in the Shell
33. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind*
May:
34.The Muppet Movie*
35. Son of Rambow
36. Clueless*
37. Star Trek (Abrahms, 2009)
38. Master and Commander: Far Side of the World*
June:
39. Dan in Real Life
40. Muppets Take Manhattan*
41. That Thing You Do*
42. Transformers
43. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade*
44. Blues Brothers
45. Anchorman*
July:
46. 40 Year Old Virgin
47. Practical Magic
48. Strictly Ballroom
49. Wedding Crashers
50. The Family Stone (ugh)
51. Ever After *
52. Romeo + Juliet (Luhrmann, 1997)*
I can't believe I've only been the cinema 7 times. Jesus.
Also, TV on DVD/OD (which sort of counts) :
Battlestar Galactica Season 2-3,
The Wire Series 2 (in progress),
Californicaton 1 (in progress),
Nature's Great Events,
Samantha Who? series 2,
30 Rock Series 1 & 2,
Flight of the Conchords Season 1,
That Mitchell & Webb Look series 3,
No wonder I never have any time. That's about 184 hours of sitting in front of the tube, not including watching regular tv. Lordy.
22 July 2009
today
So it's been pissing down for over a week now. Another soggy summer is not something to look forward to, especially when we have 5 days until we start building tents.
But the forecast for August is sunny, so let's all keep thinking good thoughts.
In other news, Liam leaves for Kent tomorrow morning and I am officially addicted to frappucinos.
ps - I really am saving the world one kid at a time. If it wasn't highly illegal I'd show everyone the video submissions to my competition. Suffice to say, one 9 year old made her own tshirt and acted out a poem she wrote as her entry. It was truly adorable.
But the forecast for August is sunny, so let's all keep thinking good thoughts.
In other news, Liam leaves for Kent tomorrow morning and I am officially addicted to frappucinos.
ps - I really am saving the world one kid at a time. If it wasn't highly illegal I'd show everyone the video submissions to my competition. Suffice to say, one 9 year old made her own tshirt and acted out a poem she wrote as her entry. It was truly adorable.
20 July 2009
summer 09
Since I'm halfway through the summer gauntlet, I'm trying to take stock. The eye of the storm and all that.
Since writing the below, what's happened?
We got rid of the bugs, and then they came back so we have another bout of folk in to handle it.
The launch and things all went off hitch free. Generally on the up and up. Smashing dress, mediocre speech (if i do say so myself.
We went to Italy for a spectacular 10 days of etruscan ruins, tuscan sunsets, long beach days and plenty of brilliant local wine and cheese. It was like a fairy tale (especially the amazing sex on the balcony looking out over a vineyard, etc etc). I've only just uploaded the pictures, so I'll show you properly soon.
Then finished up some really lovely community outreach work I'd been doing all spring. Yay inspiring teenagers at risk (with the tried and true spongebob)
I also found the keys to our private garden, so have spent much time picnicking with a box of puzzles and copy of empire.
This weekend, we went flying - Liam got a trial flight lesson as his birthday present. So it was us and pilot in a 4 seater propeller plane for an afternoon. Liam even got to drive it for a while and I wore a snazzy retro headset to be heard over the roaring engines. It was fucking amazing flying over the coast.
Then we went and splurged on a KFC bucket. I have never bought one before in my life, but the pms is doing weird things to me this time around including preggo-like cravings, so we had an evening of greasy mess and 30 Rock. God love the weekends.
Currently I am preparing for a week on my own (Liam's headed to Kent), and the necessary planning and tidying for the now eminent Festival madness/parental visit double whammy. I am even going so far as to plan my outfits (to cut down on emergency dry cleaning bills) and ordering my two weeks of groceries to be delivered in advance. How domestic.
Since writing the below, what's happened?
We got rid of the bugs, and then they came back so we have another bout of folk in to handle it.
The launch and things all went off hitch free. Generally on the up and up. Smashing dress, mediocre speech (if i do say so myself.
We went to Italy for a spectacular 10 days of etruscan ruins, tuscan sunsets, long beach days and plenty of brilliant local wine and cheese. It was like a fairy tale (especially the amazing sex on the balcony looking out over a vineyard, etc etc). I've only just uploaded the pictures, so I'll show you properly soon.
Then finished up some really lovely community outreach work I'd been doing all spring. Yay inspiring teenagers at risk (with the tried and true spongebob)
I also found the keys to our private garden, so have spent much time picnicking with a box of puzzles and copy of empire.
This weekend, we went flying - Liam got a trial flight lesson as his birthday present. So it was us and pilot in a 4 seater propeller plane for an afternoon. Liam even got to drive it for a while and I wore a snazzy retro headset to be heard over the roaring engines. It was fucking amazing flying over the coast.
Then we went and splurged on a KFC bucket. I have never bought one before in my life, but the pms is doing weird things to me this time around including preggo-like cravings, so we had an evening of greasy mess and 30 Rock. God love the weekends.
Currently I am preparing for a week on my own (Liam's headed to Kent), and the necessary planning and tidying for the now eminent Festival madness/parental visit double whammy. I am even going so far as to plan my outfits (to cut down on emergency dry cleaning bills) and ordering my two weeks of groceries to be delivered in advance. How domestic.
04 June 2009
someday I won't mind...
that my box spring has bugs living in it.
that the guy who came to fix it sprayed my house full of poison
that the poison has to stay there for DAYS to be effective.
that so far, the bugs aren't even dead.
that on top of this, i am sick and tired, but work is better than home so I just keep going in.
that my sunburn is peeling
that in 1 week i have to do the big press speech/radio show/podcast gauntlet
and i am breaking out from stress and lack of sleep
it's the shittiest thing to be so trapped.
that the guy who came to fix it sprayed my house full of poison
that the poison has to stay there for DAYS to be effective.
that so far, the bugs aren't even dead.
that on top of this, i am sick and tired, but work is better than home so I just keep going in.
that my sunburn is peeling
that in 1 week i have to do the big press speech/radio show/podcast gauntlet
and i am breaking out from stress and lack of sleep
it's the shittiest thing to be so trapped.
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